Saturday, January 13, 2007

6. Acquire Family Management Skills


Purpose of family

The Hindu religion believes in four orders of life. These orders are Brahmacharya, Grahastha, Vanaprastha and Sanyas. The The Family man is the Grahastha who is of great support to the other three orders.

Bramhacharis lead a student life learning. Vanaprasth stay in forests and lead life of teachers. Sanyasis do not stay any where and keep moving from place to place giving discourses and giving spiritual guidance to people.

By sending Bramhacharis to the Guru in Vanaprastha and by paying Guru Dakshina to the Guru, the family man ably supports both the Bramhacharis and the Vanaprastha. And then the Sanyasis, visit houses of family men seeking bare minimum food. And at that time, the Family man provides the food to the Sanyasis. This way, the family man supports the other three orders.
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The family man provides food to the Sanyasis. The family man who also leads a Dharmic life, supports the needy. In addition the family man also supports the dead.

Hindu religion believes that one’s ancestors, after their death continue to live in a world called Pithru Loka. The religion prescribes that the family man should make his offerings to his ancestors on every New Moon day, i.e. once a month. One day in the Pithru Loka is equal to one month on the earth. Thus the offerings made to the dead once a month, effectively works out to offering food to them every day. By making these offerings, the family man also supports the dead. By making these prescriptions, the religion ensures that the ancestors, both men and women, are remembered by their names, by the family man and one’s link with his elders is maintained even after their death. 42


Each one of us are blessed with many organs and limbs in our body. They represent Gods, Forefathers, Relatives, Guests and self.

The man’s soul or the conscience represents God. God sets values in life and those divine values stored in one’s conscience are meant to guide the man to lead a value based life.

The man’s mind represents his forefathers. The man is supposed to keep the traditions set by the forefathers in his mind and to draw inspiration by thinking about how they led by example.

The man’s heart represents his relatives whom he is expected to love and cherish from his heart.

The man’s head represents his guests. He is supposed bow before the guests coming to his house, extend hospitality.

The man’s entire physical body represents self. The man is supposed to apply each of his limbs to proper use and upgrade himself to earn wealth, name and fame.

The family man is expected to display proper conduct and honor all the above. The Hindu way of life seeks to promote holistic personality in people which it thought is the only way to protect the society as a whole. As per the Hindu philosophy,

Divinity in the society is preserved by respecting the Gods.
Heritage in the society is preserved by respecting the ancestors.
Relationships in the society are preserved by respecting people.
Hospitality in the society is preserved by respecting the Guests; and
Dignity in the society is preserved by respecting the codes prescribed for self conduct.
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Every family man must lead his life with a Mission. The Mission is to adhere to the above codes of offerings and sharing his food with guests and relatives and lead a life avoiding blemishes. This way, order will be maintained in the society and descendants will stand protected. 44


Displaying love for others and virtue in self is both the purpose of life and duty of every family man. When these are fulfilled, life will ensure he reaps all the rewards of life. 45

Ascetics move around spreading the message of spirituality. But the family man, by following his Dharma as above, spreads the message of spirituality practicing at home. In fact, a dignified family life accomplishes much more than what saints might accomplish. 46

By correct observance of prescriptions made for family life, the family man keeps ahead of those in the other three orders. 47

For the family man adoption of the path prescribed for him is supreme duty. By observing this supreme duty in a righteous manner, he does greater penance than the saints. 48

In sum and substance, family life is the embodiment of righteousness. If the family man observes the above and comes out without blame, he is said to have observed his Dharma well.
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He who lives successfully as a family man on earth gets placed among Gods in heaven. 50

Be a Life Partner to your spouse

In a virtuous family, both the husband and wife are partners in life. They should possess all virtues expected by the other partner and live within their means. 51

However pompous one’s life style may be, it is presence of virtues in the partners that makes family life happy. A partner without virtues makes family life unhappy. 52

A noble partner ensures all the happiness in the family. On the contrary, if virtues are lacking in a partner, the family lacks in everything. 53

What more happiness is needed in a family if both the partners are devoted to each other? 54

When a wife worships her husband, all the blessings are showered in that house by the God 55

The first duty of a wife is to attend to her husband. To enable effective attendance to her husband, she has to first take care of her own self. The next duty of a wife is to protect the family honor. 56

Faithfulness to the partner ensures love and happiness in the family. 57

When partners provide right companionship to each other, they attract all the wealth of the heaven. 58

When the husband is joined by a faithful partner, his mind is peaceful and he walks with his head erect like the lion. 59

A wonderful family is one that is composed of a virtuous husband, a loving wife and gifted children. 60

Practice Love and kindness

No lock can withhold love. Love cannot tolerate the sufferings of the loved. 71

The loveless are full of themselves. Whereas the loving, live for the others 72

Our connection with love is eternal. We are all born through love and the purpose of birth and rebirth is to love others. 73

Love generates kindness. Then it grows into great friendship 74

Righteous love brings joys of heaven and enlivens humanity. 75

Love not only generates kindness. It also provides courage to protect the loved from evils. 76

Virtue demands we display love to others. One with no love is one with no virtue. The sun burns up a worm. Similarly the God of Virtue destroys people with no love. 77

Living life without love is the same as a dry tree standing on a barren land 78

One can never find happiness from a person so beautiful outward but without love from the insides. Without love, the limbs of our body are meaningless. 79

The essence of life is a body with love within. Without love within, the body is nothing but skin and bones. 80

Practice Good Eating Habits

Men of medical profession say that deficiency in or excess of three things, viz. the pulse, the bile and the phlegm in your body could cause illnesses in you. 941

Understand your digestive system. Eat only after you feel the hunger, i.e. after you know that what you had already eaten is already digested. If you do that, you will never need any medicine.
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Observe measure and moderation in your eating. That is the way to live a long life without medicines. 943

Eat food that is agreeable to you, that which is not allergic to you. Eat after feeling the hunger. Eat to the level of appetite and not to the full stomach. 944

Eating non-allergic food in moderation ensures prevention of illnesses. 945

Persons eating moderately avoiding the bad food will lead a happy life. Persons eating voraciously will make their bodies a store house of illnesses. 946

Persons eating food without hunger and those eating immoderately will be afflicted by number of illnesses. 947

Any medical treatment must be started only after diagnosing the illness, finding the cause and identifying the means of cure. 948

Before starting the treatment, the physician must know the history of the patient, his condition, the gravity of the illness and the duration of the ailment. 949

The medical science recognizes fourfold approach to curing illnesses. This approach envisages consideration of the condition of the patient, the medicine to be administered, the nursing to be ensured and the life style change that the patient has to make. 950

Extend Hospitality to Guests

A guest is shattered by an indifferent look in the host. Any guest can discern your unwillingness to extend hospitality to him. 90

Righteousness is welcoming people with a pleasant look and sweet words 93

Humility and loving words are the only known ornaments. The other things that we consider as ornaments are not ornaments. 95

The purpose of acquiring wealth and a house is to extend hospitality to guests. 81

Never eat alone when the guest is waiting. Share it with the guest, even if it be nectar 82

Never believe that extending hospitality to guests will make you poor. You will never suffer poverty if you take care of your guests. On the contrary, it would greatly promote our wealth. 83

When you extend hospitality to your guests cheerfully, fortune will smile on you. 84

What is left behind after you have extended hospitality to your guests, become seeds that grow your wealth. 85

Guests are Gods. When guests come to you, it means God is coming to you. Cherish the guests coming to you and look forward to new and more guests. 86

Hospitality is a penance at home. The effects of hospitality cannot be measured precisely. In fact the effects would be unmatched. 87

If you decide to hoard your wealth and to avoid extending hospitality to your guests, you will regret it later when you long for some support. 88

Do not avoid extending hospitality feeling poor when you have plenty. That would be your greatest folly. 89

Enjoy Children

The soft embrace of young kids is a great delight to our body. And our ears get the delight when we hear the lisp of the kids. 65

Those who say that the sounds of Veena and floot are sweet, have not experienced the lisp of young children. 66

Be a Skillful Parent

The great good that a father can do to his children is to make them acquire first rank in the school. 67

Children born of well natured parents will practice modesty and equity on their own. Because of good lineage, all virtues would naturally reside in them. 951

Children born of good parents would never forsake the primary virtues of discipline, truthfulness and modesty. 952

Parenting should be such that it cultivates in children qualities such as cheerfulness, benevolence as well as courtesy in words and deeds. 953

Good parenting is that the children never think of doing anything unbecoming even if they stand to gain huge wealth. 954

Family tradition should be such that even in adverse circumstances, children shall never lose touch of being kind and benevolent. 955

Good parenting should be such that children value family traditions and family name and they do nothing unbecoming that would be detrimental to the honor of the family. 956

Children should be told that the family name and fame should continue to shine in the society and that they should not do anything unbecoming. They should be made to be aware that any blemish in people of noble families would become the talk of the town just as the dark spots on the moon 957

Children should know that lack of courtesy and good manners in them would bring bad name to the family. 958

Parents should tell their children that they should guard their tongue since the kind of words we use denote the kind of family we belong. Just like the health of the plants indicates the quality of the soil, the healthiness of the tongue indicates the quality of family. 959

The biggest message that the parents can give to their children is that if one wants to protect the good name of himself he should be modest. And if one wants to protect the good name of family, one should be humble and submissive. 960

No evil will dare to visit a family for seven births where children grow up with good disposition and are free from any vice. 62

Poverty in the family does not matter when the children are loving, caring and respecting. When given by loving children even the porridge tastes sweeter than the Nectar, to the parents. 64

Children of good upbringing will stand to face all difficulties. Only the absence of a good son will bring distress to a family. 1030

Assets of the Family

Among all the assets of a family, the biggest one is that of having intelligent and knowledgeable children. 61

The wise men say that the wealth of a family man is his children. It is because, the wealth flows into the family through virtuous deeds of children. 63

Intelligent children not only delight the parents but also the entire world. 68

The mother no doubt gets her joy at the birth of a child. But she gets greater joy when she hears others praise for her child. 69

The greatest service that a son can do to his father is to make the society to come and congratulate the Father for the good deeds of the son. 70

Support your Relatives

Have good words for your relatives. Only those who speak with love are capable of speaking sweet words without there being any deceit. 91

Sweet words not only help you attain fame while you are alive, but your fame remains even beyond your death. 98

If you want to give and help your relatives, give with a cheerful heart. Giving is incomplete if you can’t give with a pleasant look and with sweet words 92

Water stored in a tank are meant for the welfare of the society. The wealth available in a family is meant for the welfare of the kith and kin. Wealth in the hands of a person without kith and kin is like the water stored in a tank without any bounds. The entire wealth would go waste. 523

Poverty will never visit those who have a good word for all. 94

The real happiness from wealth is derived when you are surrounded by your kith and kin.
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Sharing of wealth accompanied with kind words enriches and enlivens our relationships with our kith and kin. 525

No happiness is superior to sharing our wealth with our kith and kin with all the kindness in our hearts. 526

Crows teach us as to how to cherish kith and kin. A crow when getting access to food will, without concealing it, caw and call his brothers to come and share the wealth. The crow that shared the food with the others does not get deprived as fortune smiles on it and he gets food again from another source. 527

The king is surrounded by many and he assists each of them by their merit and needs. 528

We should be attached to our Kith and kin and not attached to their wealth. Changing fortunes of a relative should not affect our old attachments to each other. 521

Unchanging love towards kith and kin despite changing fortunes in one, is a great wealth. 522

Do not discriminate your kith and kith who had gone away from you because of their disagreements with you. Once you remain virtuous, they would return of their own accord.
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And when they return, let us welcome them, embrace them and remove their grievances still remaining if any. 530

Beware of the Enemy Within

Shade and water are there to enliven you and protect you. But sometimes both turn unwholesome when water causes disease and shade prevents growth. In the same way your near and dear who are expected to support you, turn murky and indulge in disagreeable activities.
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When your enemy comes before you with an open sword, you sure would take care of yourself. But more dangerous are those who are close to you but intend to do harm. You will be extra cautious before turbulent waters. But what you should be more careful about is calm waters.
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Beware and guard yourself against enemies within. They you’re your weaknesses and could cut you as easily as the potter’s knife. 883

The enemies within are the reasons for all the dissentions and it is because of them families, societies and the Nation are put to distress and grief. 884

All crimes, distress and pain that surface before the Government are due to internal dissentions.
885

The hitherto unified families suddenly face internal discords making reunion very difficult and untimely deaths certain. 886

People in divided homes, though act as one, are really not in unity. A lid could have been welded on to a box to give the impression as one. But in reality, they are two different things.
887

The family affected by internal discord, will wear out like the gold being handled with a file by a goldsmith. 888

A family with internal discord is like a seed holding a tree within. 889

Living with people who have hostility is like leading life in a house which has a snake in it.
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When the sweet words produce pleasures alround, why should we use the harsh words at all?
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Indulging in offensive words and avoiding sweet words is like preferring raw to ripe fruit.
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1 comment:

partha said...

I am glad that you could do this. - I will go through and get back later. Partha