Saturday, January 13, 2007

2. Check Your Circle of Friends

Effect of friends on you

There is no profit without capital. There is no security without the support of able associates. 449

The water, because of its association with the soil, it takes the color and quality of the soil. Similarly, because of your association, your quality of thinking will be molded by the company you keep. Hence avoid mean people who either no good or only mediocre.

Friendship is like reading books. Reading good books and having good friends have the same effect of occupying you positively and taking you to a happy state. 783

You may think your wisdom resides in your mind. But what really resides in your mind is your association and their wisdom. 454

The knowledge you gain is through your mind. And your mind is shaped by the company you keep. By seeing your company, people will tell you what sort of man you are. 453

Both the quality of your mind and the quality of your actions depend on the quality of the association you keep. Thus you will be known by the company you keep. 455

If one is of pure mind, he will be blessed with prosperity. If one is with companions of pure mind, he is blessed with protection against all evils. 456

Purity of mind brings strength to human beings. Purity of companions brings all fame and glory to human beings. 457

Even though you may have purity of mind, it is a source of strength to have men of purity around. 458

Your future welfare lies in purity of mind in yourself. But this again is secured by the purity of mind in your companions. 459

There is nothing comparable to that of having a good company around you. Bad company will land you in troubles and pains. 460

Friendship with good people will make you shine like a full moon. Whereas bad company could put you to disadvantages and you could wane like a waning moon. 782

Very often mean people get into your circle. Avoid this trap. Good people dread bad company. 451

Probe before friendship

Once friendship is established, it is not easy to dismantle it. Therefore one should be discrete in selecting friends by making proper evaluation. 791

Friendship entertained without proper checks is likely to cause pain through out our lives.

And what checks are to be carried out? Make evaluation on four aspects, viz. his temperament, his defects, his family back ground and as to who his friends are. 793

Seek the friendship of those who have a noble family background and who would not indulge in any wrong. Such a friendship is worth having at any cost. 794

Referring to someone merely as one’s own friend is not real friendship. Mark of friendship is also not mere smile between friends. But unison of hearts alone is friendship. 790& 786

Friendship is not acquaintance. Friendship is not fellowship. Friendship is there to develop mutual bond for harmonious understanding. 785

Friendships are not meant for mutual delight. It should be capable of having a corrective influence on you. 784

Friendship is sharing each other’s difficulties and rendering mutual help. Friendship is preventing misdeeds being committed by any. 787

When the garment worn on our body slips, our hands immediately reach out to prevent the impending damage. Friends should behave similarly and when one of them is about to face any distress, they should move in immediately to prevent any damage. 788

The definition of friendship is rendering immediate help to the friend in distress, without any wavering. 789

Seek company of worthy people

Look for men of virtues and maturity. Know their expertise and associate yourself with them. 441

Associate yourself with those who can help you come out of your present problems and who can also protect you from the future worries. 442

The biggest blessing you can ever have is to have the friendship of people with mature wisdom. 443

The biggest strength you can ever have to follow the path of those who are nobler and wiser than yourself. 444

First be diligent to associate yourself with the noble and the wise. Then regard them as your own eyes. 445

Once you follow the worthy people, you become strong enough and you don’t need to fear any problem. 446

The worthy people would advise you of what to do and what not to do. If you follow their sincere advice you would have taken care of yourself against your detractors or impending problems. 447

Seek friendship of those who would condemn you for your errors to the point of making you cry and would thus discipline you when you commit any wrong. 795

Do not abandon friends just because they tell bitter truths about you. They tell you bitter truths because they are interested in your welfare. And there are the friends whom you should trust. If you choose associates who avoid telling you of bitter truths, your downfall is certain even if you have no enemies. If you abandon trustworthy friends, you will have to face your difficulties single handedly. 448 & 450

It is hard to acquire a true friendship. But once acquired, it would be of great use to protect yourself against problems. 781

True Friendship

Friends should be able to take liberty to make friendly and meaningful interferences in whatever you do. That is ripe friendship. 801

Freedom to make friendly well meaning interferences is the soul of intimate friendship. The wise consider it a duty to make such well meaning interferences. 802

Trusted friendship will always deem the acts of friends as their own. Otherwise, the intimacy in friendship would lose its meaning. 803

What the loving and intimate friends do unasked is cheerfully accepted by the wise. 804

In the course of such acts if anything done in good faith causes pain, the wise would graciously attribute it to intimacy and would leave it at that. 805

Intimate friends know the limits of friendship and would always remain within limits. Even in times of adversity, they would cherish the friendship and would not forsake the same. 806

Even when their relationship gets strained, true friends would not choose to break the bonds of friendship. 807

Noble friends would not lend their ears to listening to the faults of their trustworthy friends. Even where a fault is committed by the friend, they would take it with a smile.

Long standing intimacy and unbroken companionship between friends would stand applauded by the whole society. 809

Even enemies would admire the never changing affection between long standing friends.

Reassess your friendships periodically

Knowledge and friendship are two different things. Knowledge belongs to the brain and the friendship belongs to the mind. Thus even where one is knowledgeable, he need not necessarily be a good friend. 823

No one likes a crisis situation. But you can profitably use such crisis situations to see how your friends behave and to measure the depth of their faithfulness to the friendship.
Friendship of those who desert you in your difficulties would continue to haunt your minds till you are alive. 799

Condemnation of the wise friends is much better than the flattery of false friends. 816

Calculating friends joining you for gain are comparable to thieves and prostitutes. 813

Identify False and Evil Friendships

People pretending to be your friends without any real feelings of friendship in their minds could stab you in the back when opportune. 821

People displaying friendship without real friendly feelings could change their disposition depending upon the situation like the public women. 822

Exercise caution when dealing with deceitful friends who may carry smile at their face but guile at their heart. 824

Do not go by the words of those friends who carry no love for you in their hearts. 825

Even false friends are capable of talking to you friendly with kind words. Let their kind words not deceive you from seeing their evil designs. 826

When the bow bends, understand you are being aimed at. When the unfaithful utter words with humility, understand you are being aimed at. 827

One’s hands may have been folded in reverence. But deadly arms could lie within those folded hands. One may shed tears but behind the tears could lay evil designs. [It happened to Mahatma Gandhi --- Author] 828

Laughing and pretending friends can cause more harm to you than your hostile enemies.

The friendship of those who do not match their words with their deeds could cause disturbance even in your sleep. 819

Lose Evil Friendships

Where friends appear to be consuming you, such a friendship lacking in character and genuineness could better be allowed to diminish. 811

What is the use of going to the battle field with a horse that could run away deserting the rider? It is better to opt for solitude than to have such friends. 814

Never mind loss or gain. Lose those friends who join you in prosperity and desert you in adversity. 812

It is preferable to annul the friendships of those who do not come to your aid in adversity.

You need to remove the thoughts that degrade your soul. Similarly, you need to get rid of friendships of those who desert you in difficulties. 798

Shed the friendship of those who do not do what they could do or do in such a way as to make things more difficult for you to achieve. 818

Shake off the friendship of those who praise you in private and betray you in public.
You can never hope to acquire a better gain than being able to shake off and renounce the friendship of negative people. 797

Treasure the company of genuine friends. And never continue the friendship of those with mean motives and get rid of them at any cost. 800

Handle adversaries effectively

The world respects those who have the ability to convert enemies into friends. 874

When the enemy pretends friendship, play your cards, handle with a smile but do not cherish it. 830

Even when you know that the smiles and showering words of praise coming to you are pretences; handle the hostility with a smile. 829

When confronted alone by two enemies, the wisest thing to do is to befriend at least one of them and to make him help you out of the situation. 875

Keep away from your enemies in times of distress and grief. 876

Never tell your problems to those who cannot help you. Never divulge your weaknesses to people who are against you. 877

Protect yourself from your adversaries. Know the strategies and plan to protect yourself.

Enmity affects our manners. It should be abhorred and avoided in all situations. If they behave like enemies, they should be avoided in sports as well. 871

You may have two kinds of enemies, i.e. one with might of weapons and another with the might of writing and speaking, the enmity with the latter should be totally avoided. 872

Destroy thorny shrubs when they still young. Do not allow them to grow and to take roots and become hard to remove. 879

You would be in great trouble if you fail to prevent the wrong designs of your enemy towards you. 880

One who incurs the enmity of many is worse than a mad person. 873

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